Warning! Bad mood!

I'm trying so hard not to be negative anymore. It isn't a good headspace to be in and frankly who wants to read a blog filled with complaining.

That being said, I am in a real funk the last few days. I haven't felt like posting, exercising or caring what I've shoved in my mouth. It's like having one day (Friday) that was out of my control has completely derailed me.

Why do I do this to myself? I want to loose this weight. I think only you ladies (and a few gents) can understand how much I want to get this weight off. I just loose the motivation for a few days and I feel like I'll never get back on track. I know that that isn't true, because I do get back on the wagon again. I guess I just feel blah.

Right now I'm trying to decide whether or not to get on the treadmill this morning. I normally don't walk on Tuesdays because I have yoga. But I've done so little in the way of exercise this week that maybe I should double up. I'll have to have some brekkie first and then make my decision.

Random Thoughts ;-D

I got to go to Trivia Night for the second week in a row!!! Teamed up with Brooke which was so much fun. She is awesome and I'm happy she is home. It's nice to have someone close to my own age to hang out with. (Most of the people I hang with these days are friends of my parents. Sad I know) The questions were way too hard tonight. Either that or my brain was just fried. Probably the second one.

Had a decent day as far as eating went. Yummy yogurt with bran buds and pom seeds for brekkie. Half a slice of leftover pizza for lunch with an apple for snack. Chicken with 1/2 cup potatoes for supper and some popcorn and a beer for Trivia. For a grand total of 25 points. Right on the money.

After yesterday's debacle I think I am just going to wipe out my Flex for the week. I have no real way of estimating how much the pizza or the crap at Costco was, other than A LOT!!! Anything extra I want this week I am going to have to earn.

A little NSV. I was able to cut 4 minutes off my 5km time. I can now do it in 56 min!!! Yay!! I'll be ready for the Johny Miles in June, you just watch me.

Sorry this is so scattered. It's late and I'm just trying to get it all out there. Have a great night bloggies!!!!

BL and Yoga

So I was in tears by the end of tonight's BL. Why did it have to be those two below the yellow line? I was really gunnin' for Joelle to be there. Holy shit, I didn't think Bob had those kind of words in his vocabulary. I'm realy glad that the others chose to have Dan stay. He so needs to be there.

Yoga tonight was really hard. I have to say I hate the plank position. I can't do it for more than a few seconds, but I will get stronger. I am determined to be. This class is a lot different from the one I took last fall. I'm not sure if I really like it or not. There are certain poses that she doesn't do that I miss. She focuses more on the strength training aspect of yoga, rather than the connection between mind and body. I will continue through the next 8 weeks of the course though. The more and varied experiences I have the better I will get at yoga, I hope ;)

Today's eats: /25

Yogurt w/Kashi Go Lean Crunch (-7) 7/25
KFC toonie (-17) 24/25
Yoga (+3) 24/28
Kashi Go Lean Crunch (-4) 28/28

So needless to say that while I am within my points for the day, my eating sucked. BIG TIME! This is not the way to ensure I have a loss on Thursday. Tomorrow is going to be a clean eating OP day.

Hell Yeah!!!!!

Food Panic

I didn't exercise yesterday or today. My stomach is really bothering me. I think I went a little overboard on the fiber this past week and it has had some unexpected results. I have Crohn's disease and therefore need to be a little careful of what I eat fiber-wise. I should have eased into the fiber a bit slower. Oh well I guess I could chalk it up to lesson learned.

My parents took a big step today and bought themselves a dreadmill. My dad of course hurt his back getting the damn thing into the house. Hubby and I put it together for them, since we managed to put ours together last year without killing each other (and honestly my dad....not the handiest guy.....tries hard but NOT handy). So they are both starting on their own weight loss journeys. Kinda nice that we will all be on the same wave length as far as food goes.

I'm wondering if anyone else has this issue. I call it "food panic". You know the feeling you get when you have gone past mealtime just a bit too far. You stand at the cupboard door staring at the food in it and you just can't think what you could possibly eat. So you grab anything and everything and just stuff it in your face. Or you make an equally bad choice and go get some fast food.

I hate that feeling. I've had it a couple of times this week. Today I'm proud to say that I fought through it and had a salad instead of the chips, crackers, chocolate and everything else that was screaming my name. I have to plan better however, to avoid the feeling altogether. If I'm going to be out of the house (like today) I need to have a few snacks stashed in my purse, so that I can have a small something to tide me over, so the panic never hits.

FP's....are they Flex or Forbidden???

I'm not sure why I have it in my head that I shouldn't use my flex points. They are there for days when you need them. So far this week I've really only used 4 out of 35!!!!

I know that I shouldn't forbid myself things....and so far I've been really good at not doing that. Maybe I'm just a hoarder at heart. I save them all up for the end of the week "just in case" and then on Wednesday night I'm left with all these FP's. Not good the night before weigh in, waaaaayy too much temptation.

Today's menu /25 POINTS

dreadmill (+5) /30

egg white omelet w/low fat cheese and mushrooms, WW bagel (-7) 2/30

Coffee (-1) 3/30

Toasted Chicken Club (a la Timmie's) (-9) 12/30

chicken breast, brown rice, 1/2 fat mush soup, salad (-9) 21/30

3 Rice krispie squares w/milk (-8) 29/30

I sit here writing this with my stomach growling, really wanting a little snack o'somethin. I have 1 point left plus 31 FP's. Do I or don't I that is the question!!! ARRRRGGGGGH!

Today's Eats and other things

I totally suck at taking pictures of my food. I am adding this to my goals for the year, create pictoral evidence of what is going into my body.

Anywhooo today I ate:

Liberte Nonfat mocha yogurt, 1/2 cup Kashi Go Lean, 2 Tbsp Ultra low fat Cool Whip, 10 raspberries ( -6 /25)

Dreadmill (+5) (-1/25)

Apple w/ cheese string (-3) (-4/25)

Gardennay Red Pepper Black Bean soup w/ 15g light marble cheese, WW bagel, tuna w/ 1/2 fat mayo (-7) (-11/25)

Pasta shells w/ 1/2 cup meat sauce (-9) (-20/25)

Coffee w/ small Rice Krispie square (-2) (-22/25)

Not too bad if I do say so myself. I've got 3 PTS left but they are AP's so I'm not sure if I'll use them or not.

It is going to be interesting having my hubby along for the ride this time. His POINT allowance for the day is higher than mine and I am finding it difficult/interesting trying to plan for 2 different POINT amounts. I think I'm going to have to be much better at planning lunch and dinner so that he knows how much he has for breakfast and snacks. We have breakfast together 4/7 days so that won't be too bad. It is just the brown bagging it that is going to be tough for him. His work is surrounded by wonderful little restaurants and pizza joints. He is used to grabbing a slice whenever he is hungry. I hope he starts to notice a change in his body soon. I think he is going to start feeling a lot better. I know I certainly am since I started on this journey.

Can you say S-N-O-W?

When I awoke this morning this is what greeted me:

and this:
I swear I have not seen this much snow in ages, and as the only adult home (hubby had already dug out his car and gone to work) it fell to me to dig us out. I have to say that my endurance has definitely improved. I was able to shovel for 1.5 hours with no trouble stamina wise. I really need to work on my upper body strength however. OMG do my arms and wrists hurt tonight.

After all that work this is what I was able to accomplish. Yay me!!!!!

I am very proud of myself. I pray that no more snow comes for a while.

WI Results -1.2

Yes that's right - 1.2 lbs. I am so happy I could dance. I was a bit of a pig last night with the junk food, but I don't think I had as much as I thought I did. For much of the night the only things on the card table had peanuts in them so I was able to avoid those quite easily (now if only I could convince myself that to eat all the other crap is tantamount to suicide too! :D)

We had a fun night at my Aunt B's playing cards and goofing around. When midnight came most of us were still standing. My DD made it all the way.....

She was asleep about 5 minutes after this.

My hubby and I (love the extra chins the stupid hat gave me)

And the one who didn't make it. He fell asleep in Daddy's arms at about 10:30.

Happy New Year everyone! Not sure what is on the go for us today. We are supposed to be having supper in at my Uncle H's but with the blizzard I don't know if that is going to happen or not!

Blog SPAM

I didn't realize you could get spammed on your blog. But is it spam? Everytime I mention my treadmill I get a comment from mills about buying a treadmill. Guess what???? I already have one. So from now on I shall refer to it as the dreadmill, even though I don't really dread it. In fact I am beginning to enjoy it. SHHHHH don't tell anyone, especially me!!!!

Mind games

Went to Carvers today (local coffee house) and I had my new favorite thing...a sugar free English Toffee steamer. Unfortunately, she doesn't serve "skinny" steamers so it is made with 2% milk. But it is really yummy.

My friend Ruby was hungry for lunch and was so concerned about the fact that she was going to have the nachos and maybe tempt me. I am proud to say I was tempted at all. When she was all done her 3 layer dip (full of creamy, cheesy yumness) I had one single tortilla chip, but it was dry and stuck in my throat, so it wasn't even worth it.

I tried eating my supper tonight on the smaller sized plate and I have to admit that it really did feel like I had way more food than I did. It also prevented me from taking too much of the potatoes. Trying to convince my kids on the other hand was a bit of a challenge. They just see the smaller plate and not all the yummy food on it. They were also begging (quite literally in the 6 year old's case) for dessert before they had even swallowed the last bite. I'm trying to make them wait at least a half an hour after supper in order to see if they really are still hungry or do they just think they need something else. We'll see how that goes.

I was numero uno on the BLBE weigh in this week. We'll see if it holds. It was such a dramatic loss last week that I think I will be quite content with at STS. The scale this morning was showing a gain of 2 lbs. I'm not sure what to think of it. It drives me crazy. Maybe I should just stay off the damn thing!!!!

Getting back in the saddle again!!!

I'm going to go looking for Liberte Yogurt that Angie has been raving about. I've not been eating my yogurt in the morning lately and I really miss it. Maybe trying a new variety will get me back in the groove.

I have't exercised in far too long. I need to get back on track with that as well. I don't want to go backwards.

Questions

I've been thinking a lot lately about what losing weight would really mean to me. Is it just that I want to get into a smaller size? Do I want the smaller number on the scale? What exactly is my focus?

I know that I want to be healthier. My family has a long history of heart disease, type 2 diabetes and other issues that an increased weight will make worse. But what constitutes healthy? That is what I am struggling with.

It can't be just a smaller number on the scale. I know several "skinny" people who are not what I would call healthy.

So what does it mean exactly? I think for me it is going to have to mean a major mindset shift. I need to begin thinking of food as fuel. I know that that is nothing new, but for me it is. Food has always been my best friend. The one who was always there when I need some comfort. It has seen me through some really trying times. I need to change that feeling of food as a reward for good behavior and a solace for feeling crappy.

I know that I certainly don't have the answers. Just lots and lots of questions.

I think it may be time...

...for me to really join Weight Watchers.

I'm back to "guess-timating" how many points I'm eating. My exercise has been indifferent at best, although with the new challenge I've given myself I am definately beginning to "feel" it again.

Weigh in is tomorrow and I'll be lucky if it is a STS. I'm thinking more likely a gain of a pound or two.

This blog is a wonderful tool and it really has made me more accountable, but I think I need more than just accountability. I need the support that comes from meetings and knowing than I am really not alone. I looked up the meeting times and prices in my area. Most of the meetings I could reach are in the evening and I hate weighing in in the evening. I'm a first thing in the morning kinda girl. So if I do start I expect to have an instant "gain" of about 5 lbs. The price is pretty expensive too. I know that 300 over six months isn't too bad but our finances are pretty tight right now. That is more than I can afford. Why does this have to be so friggin expensive? I just want to lose the weight. I don't mind paying, but I hate that I am shut out of great opportunities like WW and a gym membership because I can't afford it. I can't spend that kind of money on myself when my kids or my husband might need something. I've been walking around for about 5 months in pants that are huge because I can't spend the money on myself to get a new pair. One pair, let alone the three or four I really need.

My mom has said that she has a gift for me that is really small, but that I'll really love it. Is it bad to hope that it is a six month membership to WW?

Enough of being a sad-sack. Time to go walk.

I love my kids ;)

So yesterday I was presenting at a Fine Arts Day at one of the local middle schools. It was a lot of fun and I'm kind of interested to know what the kids thought of it. It was 2 sessions of about 1hour, 10 kids in the first one and 13 in the second, grades 5-7. The only issue I had was that they didn't assign a teacher to my room, because I'm already a teacher. Well yes that is true but I didn't know any of these kids (except one who was a cousin). It would have been nice to have the extra set of hands.

Natalie McMaster was the keynote speaker in the morning. Wow, what an awesome lady. She played a little fiddle and talked to the kids about how important the arts and culture are in her life. Some really interesting stories.

Snack and lunch were provided for all the presenters and believe me there were a ton of temptations. For snack I had an orange wedge and a small piece of cheese with a bottle of water. For lunch they had pizza from Cafe Italia. I chose the thin crust Chicken and Basil. Was very good and I only had one slice. Little bit of caesar salad and all was good.

Then it hit me. The nasty little stomach virus that had both kiddos down earlier this week. OMG, nasty doesn't even begin to describe it. I was miserable. DS ate cherrioes out of the box for his supper and DD made them tuna and crackers. I lay on the couch moaning. My DD was amazing, she called her grandparents to drive her to her piano lesson, got her brother ready for bed and read him a story and everything and then put herself to bed. What a great girl. It is so nice to know I can count on her on those rare occasions when Mommy is down for the count.

I'm feeling a bit better this morning, so hopefully it is a short lived little virus!

I ate half a bag of chocolate chips.....

...I really did.

I don't know what the hell was up with me. I did really well points wise all day. Hit most of my healthy guidelines. That bag of chocolate chips was just sitting there in the cupboard....open and lonely. I even keep the damn things in my medicine basket because basically they are like an antidepressant! LOL

I am so ashamed of myself for my utter lack of self control.

My ass hurts!!!!!

Does anyone else have this problem??? When I go for my walk I feel as though my right leg is working harder than my left. My gluteus maximus on the right hurts like hell today. There is no comfortable position to sit or stand and I really don't have time to lay down. I'm wondering if my hip is out a bit and my leg is actually a bit shorter than the other, and therefore having to work harder.....hmmmmm????

I was out of the house at 6:30 am this morning for my walk...I apparently scared the crap out of hubby. He woke up and I was gone. Not sure why he didn't just call me on the cell. I apologized profusely, but really...where else would I be at 7am?????

Where did the wagon go?

I have fallen so far off the band wagon I am choking on the dust left behind. I haven't been exercising, my eating has been indifferent at best, completely self-sabatoging at worst. I have been participating in the biggest pity party ever. I'm not exactly sure what exactly is bothering me, but whatever it is had better quit because I have just about had enough.

I am in a very negative headspace and I need to get out of it. I'm not sure how. I just know that I have been a miserable byotch lately and my family deserves better.

WI Results Week 4 and a Frenchy's expedition!

This weeks weigh in -1.4lbs. I was very shocked to see a loss. I haven't been feeling great the last few days. Not sure if it is TOM (who is due anytime), or my Crohn's acting up. Just generally feeling gross.

I am on my way to Truro today to go shopping at Frenchy's with a friend! (for those of you not from the maritimes Frenchy's is like Value Village) They usually have great costume stuff at this one, and though the kids are all straightened away for Halloween, Mike and I have nothing yet. The DD also needs a winter coat and both the kids need boots so hopefully I won't be breaking the bank. I was really excited when this friend asked me to do something today. I don't have any close friends really and it is nice to be developing a friendship with her. I am always envious of women who have close girlfriends. I just don't seem to be able to have that for myself. I let people drop out of my life too easily (I don't call, write or email enough)

Have a great day bloggers!

Election Day tommorrow!!!! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

Tomorrow is Election day here in Canada and I would like to take this opportunity to encourage all my fellow Canadian bloggers to get out and vote! I won't tell you who to vote for but make your voice heard. I am working as a Poll Clerk tomorrow and I am hoping for a good voter turnout! (Can you tell I was a Social Studies teacher in a past life? lol)

That being said, tomorrow is going to be a challenge. Sitting on my keister for 12+ hours is not going to bode well for the scale on Thursday. Plus I am going to miss yoga :(. I am getting up extra early tomorrow so that I can get a good long walk in before I go and sit on my arse. The good thing is my DRO is a friend so at least I'll have someone to talk to. Last time I did this I was the DRO and my poll clerk was a lovely 70+ year old woman. Nice lady, just not a lot to talk about.

My darling will be bringing me home made meals which I will prep in the morning. I'll have to bring lots of healthy snacks (nothing that needs refridgeration, I'm not sure of the facilities). My biggest problem is going to be water. I'll have to make sure I drink enough water.

So happy to be a chart topper this week and glad to still be in the top 10 or so with the BLBE. I'm comin to getcha all at the top so look out!!!

Solving all the world's problems.....

....on a thirty minute walk! Went for a walk this morning with my Mommy again. It is really nice to be out walking on the trail with Mom, talking about this, that and the other thing. We managed to solve all the world's problem's...or at least all the problems in our little world. Too bad the people we were fixing aren't likely to listen to our advice LOL.

I have come to a decision about the direction I am going in right now. I have been far too negative about my underemployed status. Yes I know that my family needs more cash than I make, but the last month and a half have given me the opportunity to focus on myself for a change. I have been able to implement some real changes into my daily routine, I'm learning to like exercise (how weird is that?). This has been a positive experience.

So here's to sending out positive energy and getting the positive results!!!!